A weekly Q&A with interesting people in the Australian Media Industry
Dr Nikki Goldstein
  • Name Dr Nikki Goldstein
  • Company Dr Nikki
  • Position Sexologist
  • Interviewed by Social Diary on 16/9/2016
  • Q
    What made you want to be a Sexologist?
    A
    It was never a job I exactly chose. After finishing a degree in Psychology and then Counselling, I worked as a relationship counsellor and then a family mediator. I was dealing with couples that were going through the process of divorce and wanted to do something to be part of the solution. I felt that the clients in my office were there because they had been trying to fit into a mould that wasn't meant for them. I wanted to help educate people and found a degree in San Francisco, which allowed me to do that. It opened my eyes to another way of thinking about life, love and sex. I just kept going with what I enjoyed, was passionate about and felt was needed and worked out the rest along the way.
  • Q
    What's the difference between a Sexologist and a Sex therapist?
    A
    A therapist see's client and works with them to overcome problems and issues using a range of difference therapies and techniques. As a Sexologist my aim is to educate and I choose the media often to do that. It allows me to reach the masses and speak about topics that hopefully will make people think. I haven't ruled out going back to private practice but am hoping soon to be able to offer people something a little different and more future focused.
  • Q
    What does an average day look like ?
    A
    There is never an average day, which keeps me on my toes. I try and spend at least 2 days solid writing and now do that from a shared office. Others days I might be filming something, heading to a radio station or speaking at an event. Recently I got to film an episode of Style Squad running around on Bondi Beach and it's moment like this where I do think how fortunate I am to have this job.
  • Q
    How do you work best with PRs?
    A
    Often I find a PR firm will get a brief that contains sex or relationships and I end up not only working with them as a spokesperson but also helping them with where the boundaries are in terms of what we can get away with and what media will probably pick up on. I find working so much with this subject I understand where we can push things a little and how we can package things up with the implication of sex but not talking about it directly. Some people want to discuss the subject but we need to be aware that there is still a somewhat conservative feel out there. I enjoy this side of my job as I get to work together using my in depth understanding of sexology and media and combining with their experience and expertise.
  • Q
    How Does it Impact you having the world "sex" in your job title?
    A
    It gets people attention but it can also be limiting and doesn't really describe exactly what I do. But then I don't think there is a label that could. People think that all you talk about and can talk about is sex. But what they don't realise is that talking about sex involves so many others topics such as love, relationships, life, health, family, self esteem and much more. Human sexuality encompasses everything humans go through and deal with. When you call yourself a sexologist you can get pigeonholed into a certain area that is seen as niche and taboo. But yet our sexuality is the core of who we are and impacts so much of our lives. Others see this as a niche and an addition, after seeing what I have in private practice, I see it as a necessity. Maybe if more people did, we wouldn't have the issues that we do.
  • Q
    Last year you published a book, #singlebutdating. Why did you decide to write it?
    A
    I was going to write something I wanted it to be worth while and something woman could benefit from. I felt like there was something missing from the dating advice market. There is a lot out there to help you find a date and a husband and think like a man but I felt that I didn't identify completely with all of that. There is so much pressure as a woman to be partnered up, but what about if you were not exactly in a relationship but dating and somewhere in between? I also felt that it is so important to encourage woman to explore and experiment to work out what they want out of life, love and sex instead of trying to fit into a, mould and succumb to societal pressures around them.
  • Q
    Are people more forthcoming with sexual advances due to your job?
    A
    I do feel because of what I do people think certain things about me and as though they can say more sexual comments and I used to think I was suppose to accept that. Recently on my Facebook page I started to receive quite sexually suggestive messages from men. I now ban people who are inappropriate and make it clear publicly that I won't tolerate those types of comments. No woman should, no matter what her job title is. Why can't I talk about sex and do my job without having sexual advances made back to me. I welcome discussions and questions not sleazy attempted to get me into bed.
  • Q
    Last year you publicly came out with a short documentary on freezing your eggs, one year on how has the impacted and changed your life?
    A
    It really has allowed me to live more in the now. As a woman you can't fight that biological clock and the impact it has on life and dating. When I had the eggs out it just felt Like I had more options. I know it's not a full proof backup plan and don't want to delay having children too long, but I have a bit of ease knowing that they are there. It has been such an empowering and special experience. I love talking to other woman about it and knowing that I might motivate them to consider this and how the issue of fertility could impact them.
  • Q
    How has your job impacted your personal life?
    A
    It's encouraged me to experiment and explore to really find out what I want from life and love. When you are dealing with so many different types of lifestyles and relationships, you start to question what is going to be right for you. At the age of 30 I feel like I now know what great sex is what a healthy relationship looks like.